Starting a conversation takes thought and effort when you are online and having received some of the messages from other single daters on 121dates.com it can appear that singles are just not prepared to put in the effort that is required.

If you see a profile that interests you, you have to make the effort and the first contact. Even if you find this a challenge the results will be worth it. Firstly consider what would catch your attention and make your heart skip a beat or two. Then consider the type of daters you would like to meet. What would interest you. You can’t please everyone and nor do you want to. You just want to please that one special single.

I am not always the most confident person and I tend to be quiet and feel that others are far more outgoing than I am. However, I have had to force myself to speak up and collect a few standard subjects and things of interest to start a conversation. This has taught me that when it comes to appearing charming and extroverted, it can be achieved, and you can fake self confidence. The thing is, socialising and acting self-confident is like a muscle the more you work at it, the easier it gets. The trick is to find a single dater who shares at least a few interests that you enjoy.

Now I hardly think twice about contacting forty plus daters on 121dates.com.. Single friends who meet me as an adult are surprised to know I was shy growing up, and usually assume I'm an extrovert. That's how much you can truly change the energy you give off.

One of the most important tips to being approachable and appealing is making sure that the forty plus dater you are speaking to is interesting and that you are listening intently to what they are saying, this will mean that they feel important and they will want to carry on speaking to you. If you seem distracted and disinterested, you will appear rude and they will not enjoy your company and will not continue to engage you in conversation. Secondly do not be manipulative, do not try to force your agenda on them. If you want the relationship to reach the next level do not just assume that your date is on the same page as you are. Be respectful not pushy.

Being likable isn't rocket science. Just make sure you seem interested and attentive and treat your date the way you would expect to be treated.